Posts Tagged ‘gaming’

Sex and ADHD: Part 1, Ranking my Obsessions!

June 23, 2012

Pretty much I accept that the cause of obesity from ADHD is direct. MRI studies show a decrease in dopamine in the brain for people with ADHD. Prescribed stimulants increase dopamine, but for those who never were treated or diagnosed with the disease, there are other ways to self medicate and increase dopamine levels. Sex, eating, taking risks, exercising or achieving goals all increase dopamine. Alcohol, cocaine, nicotine and other addictive substances have a remarkable ability to elevate levels of dopamine. Falling in love, buying lottery tickets, eating chocolate also increase dopamine. We get a much bigger blast of dopamine eating high-calorie foods than we do low-calorie foods.

If I had to rank my obsessions in order, my choices would be difficult because some obsessions seem to always be able to top other obsessions in my body and depending on  factors, some rise and fall on the list.  I have self medicated over a lifetime and have serious long term and short term obsessions. The only addiction that I really believe I encountered is cigarettes as there was no such concept as controlled usage which I believe I have mastered with food and alcohol. Since I quit smoking in 1984, I will rank my current obsessions in the order that they have guided my life and indulging in them gave me the ability to focus, preform well in society and control my ADHD without medication.

Family Love: I learned about the love of family from my mother. She had four children and was devoted to them. My father had his problems which he self medicated with Valium and Alcohol and did the best he could with family love but was simply not as active. 

Romantic love: My wife suffered a lifetime of depression but there was far more good than bad. When she occasionally made poor decisions, I deleted them from my official vision and lived with my perfect romantic image of her which was still true the majority of the time.

Sex: During some periods in our marriage, my wife would lose all interest in sex with me and rather than wander and cause disruptive problems, I suppressed my sexual desires while there were children in the house and focused on the love of my family and my image of our Romantic Love. The power of sex over everything below it on this list, was covered in my First Fat Savage blog which was obsessed in a crude way with losing weight because I was too obese to engage in sex and wanted that part of my life back.

Eating: This is the first of my obsessions which had a negative impact on my body, if I am allowed to ignore a few STD’s among close friends. Actually, it is this obsessive crutch which allowed me to get focused and organized and make a pretty decent living and be a pillar of my community for 40 years.  In my second Fat Savage Blog, which I have not yet organized for publication, I learned to control the timing of my meals and what I ate, in order to balance mid-range obesity  with my sexual performance, ability to do physical labor and mandatory office time. The next two obsessions can temporarily suppress my eating but I am lucky to find many goals or risks that obsessively possess me for any length of time.

Achieving Goals:  Every now and again, an almost impossible intellectual challenge comes into my life and I become obsessed with the solution. On the few occasions this occurred, the goal becomes more important than everything except family love, but once accomplished the goal was forgotten and there was no afterglow of success as there is with food, sex and my vision of romantic love.

Taking Risks:  Taking risks is low on the list because my family loves adventures and risk taking so these turn out to be great adventures where everybody has fun, socializes and gets their adrenalin flowing. The same is true of starting a business ,investing in the stock market and other financial risks which always get the family involved. There is no such thing as a solitary risk in our family.

Purpose driven manual labor (Goal Driven): This is on parity with Alcohol but occurs earlier in the day when I am programmed not to drink. The harder I work to finish a project in my house or yard, the more tired I am and the more likely to go to sleep and feel less of a need for alcohol.

Alcohol: My bottle of wine every night has elements of both social crutch and sedative. In terms of a sedative, I have never been able to beat the narcotic effect on my body after the first two glasses, and I don’t enjoy socializing and banal conversation without those two glasses. I have always recognized that when I drink a bottle of wine I will pass out within the hour and sleep soundly for the next eight to ten hours.  If I don’t drink a glass or two of wine at a party, i will go find something beautiful to stare at and ignore every living person at the party. If I drink the whole bottle and my wife was having a good time, I would find some place and go to sleep until she was ready to go. I don’t fight, argue, drive fast, chase women, have sex, say rude things or swear when drinking, I do that when sober.

Exercising: I really don’t like exercise where I have to go at fixed times to a gym or act like a hamster on a treadmill in a cage.  I would rather find something productive to do and go do it but since that is so low on my list of obsessions, it doesn’t make the cut very often. Still, when enraged in a situation with no answer, I find it easier to walk home six miles than to either drink or drive both of which I enjoy and which I do  not consider mutually exclusive. Finally, I developed “Walking with Wonder” and exercise is part of my new lifestyle.  Still, hardly an obsession.

Driving Fast Cars:  I have had a Toyota MR-2 which takes some skill to drive especially with big winds coming at you and potholes. I know for a fact it will start to go airborne where you lose all control at a combined speed and headwind speed of about 100 MPH especially if you hit  a bump or pot hole the wrong way. My fastest driving is during the day and after my two glasses of wine while socializing, I go home have a couple more and go to sleep. There is a thrill in being able to control a dangerous beast.

Eating Candy especially chocolate: I haven’t quit nor do I believe that I have been on my last binge. I still gain from one candy bar in some circumstances, but there is no benefit at all from binging, but what the hell, it’s an obsession.

Buying Lottery Tickets:  Playing the lottery is a fools game for the math challenged and at one level I know this. On occasion when I am poor, I get obsessed with spending my last $500 on tickets.  When challenged by friends and family, I point out that from Dante’s Inferno, the sign over the portal to hell is “Ye who enter here,give up all hope.” and in my mind, False hope is better than no hope. If you don’t play, you can’t win so you have no hope at all and you are living in hell. If I have quit, it will have been last week, probably because I have no more money.

Marijuana: Quit in 1971 the day my son was born without concern and have been around people who smoked ever since with no temptation. Contrary to most medical reports, I smoked because it kept me awake and allowed me to drink for a longer period of time in social gatherings without falling asleep.

Dangerous Obsessions that caused actual withdraw:

Nicotine: Quit in 1984, worthless addiction that when continued prevents the pain of withdrawal. Very serious withdrawal symptoms which lasted three to six months with several close calls to relapse and flashbacks for years.  I could only do it for love of my daughter.

Caffeine: Coffee in very small amounts had been my friend, however, too easy to increase the quantity in social gatherings and large amounts ruin my day.  Serious short term withdrawal symptoms for one week, with no flash backs. I quit for love of my mind.

I am amazed that Religion did not make the list of items that raise dopamine level because 50 years ago before being kicked out of church for heretical beliefs, I would have included it well above the middle, well maybe not higher than alcohol because I had started drinking a few years before and was discovering my limits at that time.

Focus is a Funny Word!

June 9, 2012

I need to focus right now on a new business that I hope will earn me a decent living. As of today, I am broke and “Land Poor.” I sort of intentionally invested in land on the Island of St. Croix which is where I live.  I have made a decent amount of money buying low and selling high and was unconcerned about my retirement funds as I would sell land as needed. I have no carrying costs as local land taxes are very low and all of the properties are paid for.  Then one of the largest refineries in the world shut down and destroyed the local economy. It is not that land prices have dropped, nothing is selling at any price so now I am temporarily broke. To solve my financial problems I have to focus which is a very funny word.

I mean focus describes a problem but to solve a problem you have to know the cause and in my case I have three cause that are impacting my ability to focus.

First, I have chronic pain but when I am really stoked, I can pretty much ignore it.

Next, today is the day I must pay bills but because I am broke, I am procrastinating instead of just doing it and moving on to planning my business. Since I will still be poor unless I win the lottery, I may as well take the time to go buy my lottery tickets.

Finely, my very active ADHD has kicked in since I lost 100 pounds and no longer use food to feed my brain. I use wine at night and it relaxes me but it puts me to sleep.  The other things which can increase dopamine other  than pescribed stimulnts make a petty dangerous list and I have done most of it except drink a lot of water or use cocaine.  Sex, eating, taking risks, exercising, achieving goals, or drinking water, all increase dopamine. Alcohol, cocaine, nicotine and other addictive substances have a remarkable ability to elevate levels of dopamine. Falling in love, buying lottery tickets, eating chocolate also increase dopamine. We get a much bigger blast of dopamine eating high-calorie foods than we do low-calorie foods. Ok so the only thing which might really help without a lot of dangerous side effects seems to be falling in love and regular sex.

When you are flat broke and can’t afford to take a woman on a date, finding someone who is half your age or less is a very improbable event.  I either lower my expectations or continue with fuzzy thinking.  Guess I’ll take a break and go buy some lottery tickets.

False Hope to solve my problems is better than no hope at all.